It seems this is it. Your Spacecraft is torn in half, for unknown reasons. Just as you slip out of consciousness, an old man in a spacesuit, holding a roll of tape, yells “I SAWED THE SPACESHIP IN HALF!!!”
I shook myself awake, immediately regretting doing so, having discovered I had a splitting headache. The maniacal cackling of my crewmate still reverberating in my eardrums did not help either.
I tried to assess my surrounds. Yep, Jeff must have blown us straight out of the airlock into outer space.
Jeff was at a distance of about ten meters from me, floating seemingly peacefully through space. That is if you weren’t able to hear him descent into madness.
“I got us good, huh buddy?! I got us real good! We are free now! Take me! TAKE ME LORD!” he yelled at the top of his lungs.
I let out a sigh and decided to give Jeff a thumbs up, causing his laughter to gain in volume. Another one bit the dust – meaning that there would be no base on Mars. Not yet, anyway.
At this point, my system told me that the oxygen tank was at half of its capacity. Conveniently, this meant that I could take the right compartment off and throw it off of me to gain some momentum. This was an unorthodox but helpful mechanism that I decided to implement this time around, would I be floating through space again.
Scanning my surroundings, I spotted a satellite roughly fifty meters from my current position. Jeff, however, is blocking my path.
I flung the empty oxygen container in the opposite direction, causing me to gain momentum toward Jeff. It was very little, but I would definitely reach him within three minutes, if not less.
“Yes, buddy! Why don’t you come over here? Join me in my ascension! He wills it!” Jeff shouted. His gibberish continued for two minutes and twenty-three seconds – the exact time in which I was able to reach him.
“Come to papa!” he managed to utter.
I flipped my body, causing my legs to face him. I planted my boots onto his chest after which he stared at me quizzically.
“Later, Jeff,” I said, as the expressive look on his face changed dramatically. He looked extremely betrayed at this point. I couldn’t help but snort at the sight.
I focussed all the strength that I could muster onto my legs and kicked Jeff away from me, propelling myself toward the satellite.
“Weeeeee!” he yelled as he approached the void.
Thirteen minutes and forty-nine seconds had passed when I finally reached the satellite. I stretched out my hand as far as I could and barely reached the handle, causing my body to fling itself around the satellite.
Holding on to the handle, I managed to get a grip of the satellite. I plugged a chord from my spacesuit into the communications port of the satellite and waited for the familiar tune to play.
The satellite grunted in approval. I was connected to the moonbase. Although I had made it once more, I would admit that this one was quite the journey.
“Another fucker’s done it now,” I told whoever was on the other end.
“I apologise, sir,” the other end told me in a raspy voice.
“You’d better send a more stable one with me next time,” I told the other end.
“Yes, Elon, we will make sure of it,” the raspy voice ensured me.